Cuma RASA

Someone asks me, "Why do you like stare at the sky for a long time?? It's a day, there are no stars you can stare.. Is sky that beautiful??"

I answer, "Yea, sky is the most beautiful thing in the world. I just can find my own peace when i stare at it. It calm me. maybe because it's blue. :)"

Yep... Bener-bener flat Ramadhan di Solo. Pertanyaan yang terus mendera bukan lagi "Buka pake apa?" tapi "buka sama siapa?". Oke. Percayalah buka sendirian nggak ada yang nemenin itu berasa hambar banget. Garing. Nggak ada yang diajakin buat menikmati nikmatnya buka bareng. Begitulah, sendirian.

I've thought a lot lately...
I just don't know what do I have to do?

Pertanyaan buka sama siapa mendadak jadi penting. Mungkin gue aja yang terlalu menganggap penting. Tapi, percayalah gue bener-bener bakal ngerasa sendirian kalo gak ada temen buat nemenin buka. Sedih nggak ada yang nemenin buka. Rasanya, udah cukup gue nggak buka sama keluarga gue dan sekarang gue juga gak buka sama siapa-siapa. Gue mendadak jadi sepi ditengah keramaian rumah makan.

There's someone. She's a though person. No matter how huge the storm hit her, at the end she will stay standing. Straight like an hundred years oak. 
She trough many things. And in my opinion, those things make her this way. Strong. Straight like an hundred years oak.

Iya. Gue sepi ditengah keramaian rumah makan. Gue ngerasa sepi.
Tiga hari terakhir gue selalu ngajakin temen-temen gue buat buka bareng. Sama mereka akhirnya gue bisa ngabisin satu porsi lebih makanan. See, gue bisa leluasa ngisi perut gue kalo gue ada temen makan. Siapa aja.

I allow her to throw her trash to me. I allow her for at least releasing her anger, her stress, her complain, everything that can make her at ease, I allow her to throws those to me. Eventhough I can't do anything about it, at least I can help her at ease. Calm her down. Tapping her shoulder. Allow her to use my shoulder whenever. Because I have nothing left to give her. I just give her that and that make me sick. I am sick. Sick because all these bullshit. Sick because I can do nothing when she through many things. I can do nothing when she accept all the storms. What can I do? I can do nothing.

Nggak tau kenapa, buka jadi momen penting selama puasa. Mungkin karena manusia udah berusaha seharian nahan perut yang keroncongan. Buka jadi momen yang penting.
Babe bilang, semua itu hanya rasa. Sepi, sebel, marah, kecewa, sakit... semua itu hanya rasa. Dan siapa yang membuat kita tersiksa dengan semua rasa itu? Bukan siapa-siapa tapi kita sendiri.
Be, aku nggak bisa secuek itu untuk nggak ngerasain semua rasa. Meskipun itu asalnya dari diriku sendiri, tapi aku nggak bisa secuek itu be.

I feel sorry, I feel so sorry because I can do nothing. I can't make your weight up, because I can do nothing. I can't help her for assisting these kind of jobs called "internal matter". I really helpless.I can't assisting her to look after the kids, these jobs, these responsiblelity. I do helpless. For making you this way, for making you do all these matters which I should do.

Karena gue yang nggak bisa secuek itu, gue selalu ngerasa sendirian kalo buka puasa. Meskipun ada ibu kos, mau ditawarin pasta seenak apapun, mousse seenak apapun, nggak bakal enak dan nggak bakal berhasil ngebuat gue ngerasa nggak sendirian. Makan nasi kucing pun jadi enak kalo ada yang nemenin. Setidaknya ada seseorang yang melakukan hal yang sama meskipun kita bener-bener mikirin hal yang nggak sejalan.